Sunday, June 17, 2007 @ 4:45 AM
this time, it really happened. he's very clear that this is the end. he's very tired of trying.
even after i asked for another chance (when it really triggers off from minor stuff that im angry abt)
i know from day one he will be the one to end this rs, cos i will never have the heart to break up with anybody. 5 bfs and 5 broke up with me. yes im a loser. this really say something about me right.
i resigned to my Yap family vicious cycle of temper. throughout all these years.. i have tried very very hard to curb my temper, i may succeed in one way or other, but i have never succeeded in controlling my tone when im angry. it's all too late to change now. i am almost 23 year old and being single 2 weeks before my birthday n 1 day before my graduation trip.
hell' yes, im a loser.
even in the middle of the night when im sobbing.. devastated.. my parents are in the background shouting (yes i mean literally shouting at the top of their voice at 4am) that im sheng jing bin. really sheng jing bin, yada yada. great! that helps.. roll eyes*
'lets just go through this vacation once and for all' he said. and then its separate ways..
yes.. like how easy u can make it sound, but i can forsee myself crying at the sight of every beautiful scenery i seen, wishing we were still tgr, crying when i see jia n jai, jen n ah gu, two couples happily indulging in their vacation mood. jus cannot stop crying. i hate being a water sign. even worst a cancerian.
im so dreading the trip that im not even in the mood to start packing. yes, im leaving in 14 hours time.
if only he's not so insistent, if only he's not by my side during the trip as a friend status now, i may be looking forward the trip as an escapism.. but now.. i feel like im going on the trip to make myself even more devastated.
oki i felt like im dying. giddy. crushed. tired. haggard. lost.
i bet an incident like this, breaking up few hours before the trip, happens only once in a million. mayb i should count myself lucky.
yaya self denial.
for ppl who hate/dislike me but stil reading this pathetic blog, u can celebrate that ive met my doom once again. horray*
