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Sunday, June 17, 2007 @ 3:29 PM

no more 'we' no more 'together'

everything is singular now.

'I', 'You' and 'alone'.


@ 4:45 AM

this time, it really happened. he's very clear that this is the end. he's very tired of trying.

even after i asked for another chance (when it really triggers off from minor stuff that im angry abt)

i know from day one he will be the one to end this rs, cos i will never have the heart to break up with anybody. 5 bfs and 5 broke up with me. yes im a loser. this really say something about me right.

i resigned to my Yap family vicious cycle of temper. throughout all these years.. i have tried very very hard to curb my temper, i may succeed in one way or other, but i have never succeeded in controlling my tone when im angry. it's all too late to change now. i am almost 23 year old and being single 2 weeks before my birthday n 1 day before my graduation trip.

hell' yes, im a loser.

even in the middle of the night when im sobbing.. devastated.. my parents are in the background shouting (yes i mean literally shouting at the top of their voice at 4am) that im sheng jing bin. really sheng jing bin, yada yada. great! that helps.. roll eyes*

'lets just go through this vacation once and for all' he said. and then its separate ways..
yes.. like how easy u can make it sound, but i can forsee myself crying at the sight of every beautiful scenery i seen, wishing we were still tgr, crying when i see jia n jai, jen n ah gu, two couples happily indulging in their vacation mood. jus cannot stop crying. i hate being a water sign. even worst a cancerian.

im so dreading the trip that im not even in the mood to start packing. yes, im leaving in 14 hours time.

if only he's not so insistent, if only he's not by my side during the trip as a friend status now, i may be looking forward the trip as an escapism.. but now.. i feel like im going on the trip to make myself even more devastated.

oki i felt like im dying. giddy. crushed. tired. haggard. lost.

i bet an incident like this, breaking up few hours before the trip, happens only once in a million. mayb i should count myself lucky.

yaya self denial.

for ppl who hate/dislike me but stil reading this pathetic blog, u can celebrate that ive met my doom once again. horray*


Saturday, June 16, 2007 @ 3:28 AM

came across this in the middle of the night.. and it brought a smile to my sleepy head :)

I am Cancer, My Lover is Scorpio

This is a sexy, solid union if there ever was one! Wow -- the two of you generate lots of heat! Cancer's best match is always a water sign, and with Scorpio you've got one.

In the beginning, just give in to temptation -- spend the entire day in bed. You won't be able to get around to anything else! And even though this sexpot of the zodiac looks as if he or she would be the kind to have a roving eye, in truth, Scorpio doesn't. Scorpios want just what you do -- a stable home, kids, privacy, and great sex for the rest of their lives! Fidelity is a hugely important issue with Scorpios -- they are possessive -- but this only reassures you about their intentions.

You match each other's emotional intensity and can communicate completely without words. This is particularly helpful in times of stress when Scorpio's sharp antennae pick up unspoken distress signals just like your antennae do. Scorpios do have their moods, but so do Cancers, so you understand each other. You will have the right instincts about handling their occasional anger toward you. You will know when to ignore it (like when they're depressed or feeling vulnerable) and when to draw the line and set them straight (like when they're acting egotistical and irrational). Your Scorpio will want ultimate control but you have considerable charm and ESP on your side, Cancer. So negotiate. They are more fixed in their opinions than Cancers are, so you may have to talk your way through lots of issues with your Scorpio.

But in the end, who cares? This lover adores you, and is one in a million. Grab your Scorpio with two hands and don't let go.

smile. i have my pincers ready!


Friday, June 15, 2007 @ 4:43 PM

blink blink* level 14 n i knocked down 2 towers on my own!

grin* dota training in progress..

sorry G. Espada.. my laggy comp give up on u already.. :p


@ 4:52 AM

after all the complaints of why is my dear bf and many of my guy friends hook on dota all the time.. i finally understood why.. ....

it's a freaking exciting game la!

hahaha

yuppie.. im hooked O.O .. roflol
even with the many pros continuously scolding me during the game.. keep asking me to leave (cos i keep letting the enemies feasting on me =( ).. i still persevere.. i still try.. and the highest level i played so far on my own before being kicked, scolded, forced to leave etc.. is level 9! ummz.. achievement already! bleah

side note* i cant wait for dear dear to end his exam n spend one full day with him.. :(

missing him! thou i last saw him was just 6hrs ago bleah*


Monday, June 11, 2007 @ 3:38 AM

lookin forward my coming sabah trip! heh.. but.. well.. the plan has been changed quite abit..no more camping (save monnie!), but didnt expect to not stay over at the hot spring resort too ;(( really kinda sao xin..

nnnnn!!

5 nights of hols sleeping in single bed with dear in the bed (yes another single) beside me in a dormitory is damn torturous.. oki at least to me! i know many of u sure say u can sleep alone at night in a foreign country in a single bed with ur partner in the single bed beside u, but i cant okay!! im super sticky n scardy kitty when come to sleeping alone at night.. what with i often bumped into those '.....' (u noe wad i mean) in the middle of my sleep.. n this time is in a foreign country somemore! i need to hug baby to sleep! somemore dormitory no bolster! ;( the more i think about it the more upset im gettin..

sobz*

bestie says she can.. shijia n jenny (who are goin to the trip with me) also say they can.. but i jus cant! and pls.. its really not about being horny.. its about sleeping alone in a single bed on a hols in a foreign country with ur partner! ;(

im jus being frank here. pout*


Saturday, June 09, 2007 @ 5:07 AM

for those who have read my 'latest' post (oki i removed the one on the breakup one already bleah)..

we're back together again.. sweetly as before. oki fine i admit im lousy. but.. dont u wish to give your love one a second chance? bleah.

we make promises and really want to make tings work now. as in really really.. n i do believe him cos i kinda know how he treated his previous rs.

n i know myself how deeply in love i am still.. 28 weeks le okayyy.. despite the nasty squabbles, we can still be sweet okay.. heh

deckie is my motto in life :)


..Jammism..

30 June 1984.
sensitive cancerian. pessimistic. frank. embracing this superficial world in my true self

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