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Thursday, June 29, 2006 @ 3:45 AM
When people click, they formed a clinque and hang out together. When two friends clicked, they become good friends, then close friends, then best friends. I believe in every friendship, there exists a certain degree of expectation, and when expectation fails, disappointments sank in.
When we were young, everyone's a best friend..and when they play along with others, we got jealous and have all the silly 'dont-friend-you-anymore's. When we grew bit older, we found good friends whom share the same interest.. but most come and go. and few stayed. As we aged, people who stayed on thru the many years inevitably become the close friends. Even if there is misunderstandings or miscommunication, we often close one eye and let it passed. and dont really bother to resolve it for we have take our friends for granted. For we always have excuses of being too busy to get bother with such 'small matter'. We just take it that these friends will just be there and minimal effort is needed to maintain the friendship. However, even the oldest wood will rot one dae if its infected with worms. One dae you realized that you have been suffocating, and u need your breathing space when its congested with worms and rotting.
As we grow older, we met many people who once again touches our heart. but every new people we met, will have their own rotten wood. And everyone will just grow old and die with what's left are their only branches.
Sunday, June 25, 2006 @ 3:00 AM
Why is it that as ppl grow older.. they are becoming more and more reluctant to celebrate their bdaes. Its not about ppl afraid of facing the fact that they're older, but simply they just dont want to face the disappointments that friends forget your bdae or 'cant find the time' to celebrate with you.
Two dear grps of friends cant find a single dae in one whole wk (yes 7 daes) to have a simple dinner with pathetic me. and another grp of friends simply dont even bother to want find time to meet up. This grp of sec sch guy frens who i tot have been nice to acc me thru the bad times, simply dont even bother anymore. and it sucks to see ppl's real character thru a supposedly joyous occasion. f*cking disappointed.
i simply not looking forward to my stupid dae. not even if im goin to celebrate with stone. I jus dont think its worth it to spend extravagantly on a stupid dae celebrating the birth of a self-centered misunderstood bitch.
Hearing how sweet pearly had helped him celebrate his 19th last time make me realized no one have ever cared me enough to celebrate my bdae wholeheartedly, not even my own parents, for as long as i can rem. For as long as im with him, i can nvr ever stop linking them tgr and its killing me softly. I simply cant overcome myself. Just like how ppl cant overcome the temptation of betting.
Why do i even exist in the first place
Friday, June 16, 2006 @ 8:28 PM
Hi ppl, im back.. its been quite some times. oh well.. World cup n mj fever.. wad else..>.<
sank into depression mode for 3.5 daes to be exact. even that stupid dying thought sprung alive once again after the many months. all started with an unknown planned bkk trip of my 'close' frens. If only i had know the tics r actuali affordable for me. If only i wasnt lured by her make believe indispensable story of me. I just hate myself for always carrying high expectation of ppl..
is it alrite to have no expectations for friends?
i miss many ppl. amidst all there is this group of friends that tries to help and talk me out of my 'failed rs', who i feel delighted and comfortable meeting daily, who i feel happy just sitting ard checking out gals with them. but now things change so quickly im left out.
suspect there may actuali be an unknown perfectionist sleeping inside of me. and that is giving me tons of trouble.
felt guilty havin that argument abt hatred with stone todae. it all started with my infamous dad. i guess its juz how ppl have different character and opinions of life. It just verrrrrrrry frustrating not having ppl to understand u. sorry darl.
ayeee.. i must learn to overcome my own challenge of myself before having expectation of anyone anymore. guess this the onli way my life will have less misery. or happy.
haiz
Saturday, June 03, 2006 @ 5:26 PM
im so gona fail a paper during a big exam for the first time in my whole life..
for once again in many months.. ... i felt zombidized, weak, depressed and wordless.. i felt stupid and braindead. total moodless and in no strength to carry on my last burst of energy for CF anymoree.. ...
whyyyyyyy....
@ 2:08 AM
Take a moment to cherish the fact that your imperfections are unique. Anyone can follow directions, but you can set your own parameters and come up with something extraordinary. When someone takes a fall, you'll see first-hand how it just doesn't pay to try to be perfect. There's too much conformity in perfection, and it has a strangling effect on your creativity. Break free of all constrictions.
hmmmmmm...
