Saturday, December 31, 2005 @ 5:19 AM

fuming mad
angry
disgusted
despised
@^$(!#&@^*

i just hate myself... hate myself for treating them as friends...

and abv all these.. i hate myself for feeling my heart actuali hurt bit..

YES I JUZ HATE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 30, 2005 @ 2:10 AM

Miss Yap in BMW convertible!.."!! heh.. one word to say it all..SHIOK!

oh.. and introducing my 'oh-so-man' friends.......lolz

lovely dae out with jj n co.. i can sleep smiling again..*wink*

Thursday, December 29, 2005 @ 3:16 AM

Rush hour

1400 Woke up
1450 Met danny to get Perhaps Love tics
1515 Reached Lido to queue for 1525 tics, Sold OUT! nua ard with my b..f
1800 Rushed down met Jia Jen Ken Chong Gin for steamboat!!!
2100 Rushed down met kel watched 2145 Perhaps Love (die die oso must watch ahha)
2330 Supper Srg
0200 Home sweet home..!

seh.. i realli duno wad am i doing..! i really shd juz listen to everyone.. why am i always like tis... arrggg.. reali hate myself.. sulk*

Monday, December 26, 2005 @ 3:13 AM

yea yea yea..my xmas is simply fabulous!! First its steamboat n dvds at yt's hse.. and den its MOS..its juz..fanstatic..so fanstatic i only had 4 hrs of zzz and literally dragged myself to work todae..zombidized..

i happily dressed up to go yanting's hse yest..not knowing i havta go there and marinate meat n cut vege for the steamboat haha (i seriously tot they would have made tings easier like buying shredded meat..roll eyes*)

our steamboat feast!!!

the pretty house owner and me.. lalala..thats my best friend!

Its reali damn fun.. i really hope we can do this more often dearies!!! ... n of cos our horror movie section.. haha.. we juz couldnt stop screaming while watchin The Amityville Horror.. eeeks..i'm so sure the guys r cursing us thru'out the show ha (but wad a wrg show for xmas!.. hahaha)

took lotsa lotsa silly pics!!!.. muucckz... simply love their company!

from these..

to these.. .......>

i'm tilted 60 degree............and like alooo..can ya spot jac!??!?! lolz

Anw rushed down to MOS with ken soon aft dvds.. stil rem i'm actuali quite shocked receiving guo hui's msg of their grp's plan that night..its so nice of xiao qi & co to actuali ask me joined them for xmas.. cos i stil dont count myself in their grp.. yet kinda feel bad if i dun giv face n go..

oh well..! MOS queue was ridiculously loooong as usual.. luckily xqi they all were in the queue already.. n yea... my dae ended with a fun-filled 'happening' night at MOS!..
xiao qi, me, huixian(taken in the 1st level white toilet)

xiao qi me & sonia.. (taken in the 2nd level black toilet) hahahha

Merry xmas ppl... nvr expect my 2005 xmas will be so memorable... =) simply love the company of all my friends.. thankeeew ppl simply for being my friends..

darn.. cant keep to my cigs-free clubbin pact .. but i turned cold turkey todae at work..

gd attempt!

Saturday, December 24, 2005 @ 4:58 AM

so much for my promise at Jalan Kayu yest........ shdnt hav said so loud "p

---> ended up clubbin again todae n 6 sticks.. wtf! @&$(#^!

but great company with my part-time n his frens.. ...... oh! gota myself a xmas hat frm zouk.. oopz* sorry to ya yx.. heh

my furry xmas hat 2005
our first ever pic tgr in 8 yrs!!!

..n Narnia is kinda disappointin.. boohoo..

eh.. n i seriously needa curb my cigs.. friends pls help!"..
i tried my best to live on fishermens when craving starts..one pack one dae.. but... .... "(

heeelp

Friday, December 23, 2005 @ 5:28 AM

juz finished making my tiramisu not long ago.. its yet another yr of not baking for someone special.. really miss those times when me n friends will bake tgr for our respective bfs.. haha.. remembering how xmas used to be my fave festiv.. yet now i dont anticipate it coming at all...

its been like 2 yrs .. and tis yr i'm makin tiramisu alone in the middle of the night.. pathetic.. feeling of loneliness crept up to me.. and the thought of spendin yet another festival without special companion is actuali killing me silently..
guess i'm gettin so used to it now..

xmas pact - no clubbing and smoking.. control
all i want for xmas.. .... is contentment

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 @ 3:05 AM

its scary (n disappointing) what guys out there are THINKING and DOING nowadays.. .... i'm so so sooooo refraining myself from falling for anyone nor date for the period of time.. its..... just frightening.. one major heartbreak is enough.. n thou getting over that is MY acheivement for this yr... i dont wan any more to come any sooner...

if U reading this, have no gd intention towards me.. for wadever reason.. pls do gd deeds n stay away from me..

Gals apply too.. arigatou

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 @ 2:57 AM

oh man..any one can teach me how to change this stupid font i have now.. it looks sooo... primary sch..... hahahaaha

darn...

jojo is getting bigger.. shdnt have fed her so much lately

Sunday, December 18, 2005 @ 4:14 AM

What turns out to be a counsellin section ended up as a quarrelling section again.. n all becos both hit on the sensitive topic on mr 'taboo' again..

Very different view over the issue thats sooo over.. yet i stil cannot accept the way she handled this whole issue n i brought out the topic of 'What is best friend' again..

n so.. more crying n 'screamin'..
i blurted out how i feel she shdnt b my best friend n all.. without thinkin how she feels.. i'm so wrg

Yet..
1) I can never accept the fact that she's helpin him keep secrets which is hurtful and will harm her best friend, thats me..

- if u had really treat me as a best friend, how can u bear to see her hurt KNOWING she will be hurt by ur friend.. and yet keepin all the things from her.. juz cause u do not want to reveal a friend's secret. How shd one react ethically in this situation?.. I nvr tot of this until todae n i thinks its really hard on her part..
- For me.. i would hav screamed at my guy friend and asked him to fuck off my best friend's life.. n scream at my best friend if she dont wana listen to me, until she woke up.. all for her own good.. If this guy is really ur friend.. He will not want to hurt ur friend, nor manipulate his way to spoil a friendship btw 2 gals and make him the sane one..

2) I hurt her by not takin her promise seriously(cos i feel she will break it..yes its broken)

-but guess situation ain't fo rme to control yea~

GUYS.. one dae if ya Gd fren ended up with ya Best friend (look at the different category i emphasize).. and ya gd fren come tellin ya he did somethin wrg behind ya best friend's back.. and told ya not to tell the Best friend.. wad will u do? think abt it..

well, for me.. this so called 'gd fren' shd not even hav come to me in the first place to confess he did somethin wrg.. i'm juz a gd fren, not his gf.. This 'gd fren' shd have gone straight to my best friend and confess.. i will not even bother to listen to him tellin me all this.. given my character, i would juz knock sense into him in wadever means i hav..

Yet in reality, the otherwise happened.. a deeply hurt best friend and a tattered friendship which has to be mended over and over again is the result..

Deep in my heart, i blamed her for the past 1 yr +.. blamed her for not helpin in restoring the relationship.. blamed her for keepin so much stuff frm me.. blamed her for breakin her promise of not tokin to the 'gd fren'..

but now.. i realize i'm in no position to blame anyone anymore.. i cant control their frenship.. n it's hard for her too.. everyone is juz so misunderstood.. and all in all.. the question goes back to what is a best friend.. someone u do not bear to see her hurt, the first person to come to midn when there's juicy news, who sacrifice her time juz to have each other's company.. who willing to give n take.. who shares joy n happiness tgr.. Best friend.. thats wad it calls..

Yanting, thanks.. u noe i hate to get into tis topic.. cos its so so over.. but glad we talked tings out again.. n i'm really sorry.. you are juz as used as me.. n being used by a friend is as worst as being used by ur partner.. thanks for tolerating my character too.. hope u can sort urself out now too.. wink* ya shd noe wad i mean sweet.. we both shd stop crying..

i need beeeeeer...

Saturday, December 17, 2005 @ 3:05 AM

bash was cool.. todae was cool.. hoegarden.. fosters..

beer and more beer.. yesss

= )

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 @ 3:20 AM

yuckz this shdnt be the case.. ...

330am
flashback of memories suddenli came into my mind.. that face that voice.. that one person in the world who dont treat me with integrity and respect..
for wks.. incidents caused me to loathe this one person.. from the way he treated n lied to me to the way he makes me feel degraded n spastic.. n the many others on the same ship..

n i am happier now.. floating off on the life buoy.. so why the flashback?..

darn.. waste my brain cells..
cherish my present contentment .. it'l last.. i believe

Monday, December 12, 2005 @ 2:38 AM

Pics taken from Hollywood on Ice (boring show) ha

meiyi me yiting tintin

oh n anyway..Sujuan sent me the belows over msn just now.. damn sweet.. think her hols make her too free liaoz haha

Juan photoshopped Hulin in for the abv pic (top right)..she initially wasnt in this pic.. & i tink it seems like she's floating! hahah scary.. sorry juan.. but guz its good enuff! heh

but this is damn sweet.. =) ALMOST got all my face in all pics k.. i tried my best to turn up for the gatherings already.. ble

Sunday, December 11, 2005 @ 3:28 AM

feel good day

1415 bugis junction
1500 Hollywood on ice
1900 Cine
1945 Chicken Lil!!
2200 Mj!
0130 Supper at Jackson

Wad a long but happy dae..! chicken lil is sooo nice.. lub it.. aint as bad as what everyone's been saying.. thou the show's bit short.. & its the first movie with sis Roger..hahahaha oopz*

ohoh..n somethin damn sweet.. haha.. was playin webcam over msn last nite..n i got this.. ...

alri.. damn tired .. nite ppl..

Sunday, December 04, 2005 @ 6:38 PM

aaaah damn!.. my comp has R.I.P.. the monitor screen had totali turned green.. seems like its disgusted by wad's been happening..feeling the same emo as his owner haha..
oh well.. so i'm not gona b on msn n bloggin for a period of time .. sulk.. until i got a new comp.. which i duno when!!?!!?..

i'm blogging during work now ahah..

be sure to leave some surprises on my taggy..!..

Friday, December 02, 2005 @ 2:39 AM

Had the most wonderful date todae.. = ) with my parents..!.. its soooo long since we really tok.. let alone go out for dinner n aunt's hse..!!!
went whampoa to eat our fave fish head steamboat.. yum yum.. and went over to aunt's place thereafter..didnt even noe a 14mths old niece existed!... damn cute!!.. n apparelly she seems to like me too!

it felt so good to see daddy smiling again..

Haven felt so happy for damn long already.. so glad i made the right decision..
i'm on my quest of findin the life i hav deserted...