Wednesday, November 30, 2005 @ 2:18 AM

Anybody believe in love at first sight?

I truely do.

Once upon a time... ...

2004
It took her nearly 2 mths to see this person again after that first only sight outside Wisma.. and another 3 wks to know this person fatefully.
Soon, one mth of their lives was shared officially together.. wonderful sweetness she longed to feel forever..yet..tis naive gal was not contended she lost out to a sucidal ex in the end.. devotion, he cant give. Upsets disappointments frustrations jealousy visted her life.

2005
Daes in between months they'l spend together again.. Without committment, complications accusations arguments tortured her.. Daes, wks, mths passed. More and more characters appeared. Her devotion is deemed useless.. for 7 mths, she was persistent to move on.She tried her best..
One fateful dae, they started talking again. She thought she's able to continue this unseemingly 'relationship' for the sake of all the short happiness tgr. Dumb thought. Things get from bad to worst. and there he is, still able to live his life the way he wants it, enjoying his daes with different characters. .while she's depressed, sobbing wasting her precious life away.. the many hrs, daes of waiting...
One fine dae, a Chopstick theory knocked Naive gal out of her senses. In state of desperation.. she seeks help from Guang ying niang niang. The lot (qian) she prayed for depicts the exact same advice all friends gave. The answer she gotten from Her gives her all the determination and courage to move on.. The sayings of the lot keep repeating in her mind.. With what seem like new found strength, she knows the time has come..

No one bears to leave their memories behind.. much worst to leave the memories with the person you fell in love at first sight behind.
But.. guess I should be contended purely to the fact that at least i get to know this person who took my heart away instantly. One plus yr.. Learning experiences i would say.. thou skeptical and pessimistic i have become of life.. Funny how such incident almost totali change my character..

Decision is mine to make. and from this instant.. i want myself to be happier.. i really do.
I wish this strength will help me climb out of this man-made shithole..

Monday, November 28, 2005 @ 3:34 PM

莫文蔚《他不爱我》
他不爱我他不爱我牵手的时候太冷清拥抱的时候不够靠近哦他不爱我说话的时候不认真沉默的时候又太用心我知道他不爱我他的眼神说出他的心我看透了他的心还有别人逗留的背影他的回忆清除得不够干净我看到了他的心演的全是他和她的电影他不爱我尽管如此他还是赢走了我的心

Sunday, November 27, 2005 @ 2:50 AM

i'm totali lost for words.. too shocked..

be hermitting for the nex few daes..

Tuesday, November 22, 2005 @ 2:54 AM

dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

a thousand and one reasons YES i am..
disappointed in my peserverence..

a dream it would be..
an enchanting night, i will fall asleep..
with a smile on my face embracing the lovely memory of the day..
and the many days which will follow.. ... forever..
if forever ever exist..
-siew lian-

Monday, November 21, 2005 @ 3:38 AM

i have itchy fingers which my brain cant control

boo..

Saturday, November 19, 2005 @ 1:42 AM

《你怎么舍得我难过》

对你的思念
是一天又一天
孤单的我
还是没有改变
美丽的梦
何时
才能出现
亲爱的你
好想再见你一面
秋天的风
一阵阵的吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心
到底在想些什么
为什么留下
这个结局让我承受
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候
没有说一句话就走
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多
你却没有感动过

..this is the song you wanted..

Friday, November 18, 2005 @ 9:35 PM

all the sweet times spent tgr now all seem like a dream.. vanishing into our memories.. one yr passed.. fate allows us to have the chance again for the past 2 wks... but now it seems to slip thru our fingers again.. our hand does not seems to fit perfectly as one.. now his half-hearted behaviour is hinting to me to prepare myself.. that he's leaving my life.. once again.. .........

my heart felt really terrible..

stumbled across two intimate pics of him n a gal taken in his car.. sensitive he'l say if i asked.. but who is able to take it nicely stumbling upon close pics of the one u like and other gal? why doesnt he understand my feeling?

everytime i hold ya hand in mine.. i can feel i am not ur only one.. and that hurts like hell.. assurance.. u dare not give..

@ 8:30 PM

yaoyao: ?????????. says:
dun kid yourself
yaoyao: ?????????. says:
u know him well enough

YaNTinG says:
he's not treating u right .. let it go
YaNTinG says:
let him go .. out of ur life k

i really really really really hate myself.. i said i want to stop seeing him. i want to be firm i want to end on my part.. but when he asked me whether to go out last nite.. no matter how strong i appeared to be.. i ended up saying yes.. and i deserved the disappointment todae when he said he no mood doubt can dinner.. and when his msg came in again asking where am i i happily replied!.. and again.. disappointment when theres no reply from him anymore.. who am i to him? in anybody's shoe.. why will anyone treat a person this way? mistreatment i would call.. but accusation he would say..

love can really make one goes hysterical.. trivial daily matter of no replies and no answering of calls makes me cry n cry everydae.. uncontrollable msges sent out expressing my anger and disappointment irritates him.. but all i ask for is to be treated with respect, to be treated with courtesy and integrity, to be treated fairly.. yet in my utmost frustration of waiting for hrs and hrs for replies and calls.. all i gotten are words directing at me seeming its like my fault.. being accusing, that i'm thinkin obscuring and its wrong, that my sensitivity are affecting my judgement .. my judgement of him?.. dont say u like a person until ure sure of it.. for like is kin to love.. for if u like a person, u will never bear to see her hurt.. for if u like the person.. u will want to spend time with her.. for if u like the person.. u will wan to be there when she really needs u..

but u always choose to do otherwise...

why cant we communicate? why do we always have to end up this way?

@ 2:56 AM

ahhhh... cannot stop thinking.. STOP ME pls.....!!!

握在手中算不算拥有

anyway Harry Potter and the Globet of Fire is damn nice!!.. cedric diggory is so cuteee.. heh..

Tuesday, November 15, 2005 @ 3:02 AM

sigh.. tmr adrian's gona be tranferred out of PS.. i'm so sure i'm goin to miss working with him so much. He's like the best boss in the world! who will giv u the time to slack ard, online, talk nonsense, chit-chat, shopping, buy food, buy 4d etc... DURING WORK?! sometime i always wonder why am i paid for doing nothing.. haha..oh well.. anw he bought a splendid supper for us aft work.. kinda like a small farewell tingy..

sluurrrppp.. yummy!

oh oh!.. anw colleagues from different branches decided to go loyang n pray aft work todae.. theres like 3 cars full of ppl.. but the few of us ended up goin to wild club at boat quay instead.. haha.. sinful sinful..partly becos nicole they all already went to pray yest..
alrri.. i admit when i first reached the place i'm kinda daunted by it.. tinkin like its gona b another scandalous pub.. but it turned out to be surprisingly spacious for a pub at 2nd level and theres pool table and ktv!.. haha.. its an enjoyable chill out drinking session aft a 'hard' dae at work..

big sigh* this kinda life is really the life i aim to pursue when working full time in future.. earning 4-5k a mth, not constrained by all those office politics and stupid office working hours, fun and challenging job with interactions with customers.. & of cos, chilling out with colleagues aft a tiring dae at work!
i been having the thought of workin like this; long tiring fulfilling hours yet play hard while i still have the energy.. then proceed to work and stay at an office job at the later part of my life when my energy died down..but truthfully, i can juz pursue this life now.. what's the point of studying so hard and get a d-grade degree..? ahhhh.. sucky..

kinda miss him now..

Monday, November 14, 2005 @ 2:34 AM

great.......i vomitted in gh's car aft double o.. like aloooooo!?.. one more turn and i'm reachin home!! but i juz cant stand it anymore.. feel sooooo bad..its the first ever time i vomitted aft drinkin.. this dae is sooo gona b curved in my mind for life..

really wana tok to him at night.. degraded myself to call him late nite.. luckili he's bored enough to entertain me before i sleep..

n thats yest....... sigh..

blawdy hangover todae.. dragged myself to work.. clocked in.. one min late! darn..
and my itchy hand go and msg him.. and of cos.. the expected happened.. no reply! fwah.. juz use a gun and shot me in my brain pls.. no use slapping me.. *pang* wake up!!!"!!!

was chattin over msn with this new made fren.. n found out somethin damn exciting.. he's from the 'depressed fucked cancer society' too, bdae is one dae before me.. n.. tada! he's an only child too..! oh man.. its like gawd-send.. someone finali understan wad i been feelin all along.. as an onli child n as a blawdy weakling cancerian.. i guz i shd listen to my best fren and be more open in knowing new ppl.. else i can forsee myself being stuck at where i am for i-dont-know-how-long..

daaarnn.. why am i so affected by a lil sms which maybe he overlooked? farked la... stop deceiving myself.. oh well..

i've prepared myself for all these when i choose to come out of the hermit n take the risk of facing him again.. i just wan to spend time tgr in simple happiness.. is it too much to give?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005 @ 3:03 AM

03 nov 05

selemat hari raya.. its one yr since that fateful dae..

met up for pizza n drink at pp village.. ate damn fuulllll..

sneaked into pp hse's poolside to drink slack.. it'd been ages since i long been there.. oh well.. alot changed.. but one thing remains.. my corona madness = )

ooooki.. that's a floating slipper in the middle of the pool.. roll eyes* heh

n so.. the dae ended fantastically peaceful..

.........on the other hand.. i guz the word fantastic cant simply describe it all.. ... oh well..its juz another unforgettable 03 nov..yr 2005.. ",

Sunday, November 06, 2005 @ 3:35 AM

02 Nov 05

lovely aftnoon out with Jia n Jen..caught the movie The Great Raid.. wad a nice show! (oki i may sound bit bias here cos i'm a war show fantic) Its based on true story on how Americans saved P.O.W in Philippines during 1944.. This Great Raid remains the most successful raid in US history with ard 550 P.O.W being rescued. peeps.. ya shd catch it~!

rushed hme to change n meet hongxu go zouk.. my babes aeroplaned me cos they dun wana pay the entrance fee of 20 bucks..boohoo =(.. but i'm so bored i decided to go with hongxu.. but manage to mit yt n jac for a quick dinner.. oh.. anw roger n pals gona b there too.. thou i'm the onli gal.. Chong called me awhile lata n said he's so bored at home he'l join me at zouk.. yea sista! haha.. n so.. phuture here i come!

but DAMN.. its farking crowded la.. worst ever.. jam everywhere.. n queue's sooooooooo long.. end up phuture was full hse n i got in thru zouk.. wad a waste.. i lost hongxu n ended up joinin roger n his sec sch frens.. n that includes Tim... awkward at first but became quite happy high fun at the end.. thou i feel quite bad cos Chong kinda like babysat me thru' out the night ... oopz*

oopz*.. thats Chong.. can stil see one eyes wad.. haa

ahhhh.. roger is high..

n roger is gone..........!"!! (thats lester smiling..)

nice time.. finali me n tim is conversing that night..

Wednesday, November 02, 2005 @ 2:21 AM

heh.. rushed finished my long overdued marketing assignment & ran out for a quick 'supper' with huimei.. its only 1 am..but to our dismay!! our neighbouring coffeeshops are all closed! walked to 75..gotten so many mos bites on the way=(
but hav a lovely time with my childhood friend.. & we're using the same fone now..
sweet..

stil tryin to act cute in the middle of the nite.. =p

finali fever subsided... wheeeew.. my terrible wkend is finali over..